December 7th, 2012: The walking tour of Valparaiso that the owner of the Yellow House had recommended had been so good I had little hesitation in signing up for another tour. I needed a tour for the wineries south of town, and while I had planned to visit Neruda’s seaside house at Isla Negra by bus, I was OK with including it on the tour. A young couple who had also been staying at the Yellow House signed up for the same Friday tour. They had a flight out of Santiago that night, and the plan was for them to catch a bus after we visited the wineries.
Alas, Michael the German Pirate was no Boris. He apparently regarded guiding as a hobby rather than a job, although I know hobbyists who are far more engaged and efficient. The tour got off to an exceedingly slow start. We had not gone far before stopping at a house that one of Michael’s friends was renovating. This was mostly an opportunity for him to visit with his friend, while we wandered round a building that was certainly in need of renovation, and was also stuffed with second-hand toys.
Then a drive through a mostly deserted seaside development was followed by a visit to a beautiful and also mostly deserted beach. I would have liked coffee at this point but the one functioning beach shack only offered cold drinks. Then we stopped at another house belonging to another of Michael’s friends. Again, we hung around while Michael visited with his friend, after which we were shown the friend’s “museum”, of interest only to fans of model ships and stuffed animals (the ones in the Vina del Mar museum were better).
By the time we finally arrived in Isla Negra and had eaten lunch I was wondering why I had signed up for this odyssey, but so far I was better off than the other couple. Michael had just discovered that the bus they had planned to take wasn’t running, and they would have to leave from Isla Negra and skip the wineries. Now, back when I was planning this trip, a poster on Fodors had warned me that the road between Valparaiso and Santiago would be closed from mid afternoon Friday December 7th to the evening of Saturday December 8th for a major religious procession. I had scheduled an extra night in Valparaiso to allow for it, and then forgotten the matter. So, a Fodors’ poster knew about the annual closure, but a supposedly professional tour guide did not.
Michael went off to check on bus times, and we visited the house. Perhaps I should have settled for just one of Neruda’s houses, as I found this one disappointing. The location, and the views, were indeed magnificent, but the rooms felt claustrophobic. Too many over-sized figureheads in the living room, for sure, and the ceilings seemed low. Afterwards we left the young couple, and their luggage, at a “bus stop” (a short line of people at the side of the road), and finally took off for the wineries. When we reached the first it was already 4:50, and I noticed on the sign outside that it would close at 5:30. Would we only have time for one winery?
Worse. No wineries at all! All the wineries were closed in honor of the procession. I was furious! How can a tour guide take you on a tour without checking that the places you’re going to visit are actually open? After I pointed this out, and said that I had only taken the tour because I wanted to visit wineries, we drove back to Valparaiso in silence, where Michael charged me 6,000 pesos instead of the full price, claiming that this was what it would have cost me to visit Isla Negra by bus.
So, avoid tours by the German Pirate. You might also avoid the Port View room at the Yellow House. It was very dark, and the view not much. In addition, it was on the same floor as the kitchen and dining room, and when an inconsiderate Polish visitor decided to fix a meal at 11:00 at night I could hear every move. The house’s location had disadvantages too. The views from the top floor were so good because the house was at one end of town, but there was a real shortage of eating and drinking places nearby. To get to the best area for restaurants you needed to take the funicular down the hill, catch a tram into town, and ride another funicular up again. Walking would have been possible, except that part of the area between the funiculars wasn’t safe. The funicular for the Yellow House didn’t feel that safe, either. The carriage may well be the original, from 1893, and not only were there gaps between the boards, the whole thing shook.
Overall, despite this one thoroughly disappointing day, I enjoyed my stay in Valparaiso. I’m glad I’ve seen the town, but I don’t have any great urge to go back.
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